nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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