watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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