just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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