and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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