Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
