I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
