do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
People in love make me want to vomit
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
