Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
