Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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