I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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