I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
