i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
