I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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