I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
