Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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