I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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