She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
