guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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