when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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