take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
