im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
