i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it was like eating out sand paper
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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