I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
