Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
