meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
