Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You were trust falling into bushes
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
