Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
