Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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