I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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