Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
