I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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