mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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