He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He passed out mid-signature
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
