I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
