Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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