You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize