just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Randomize
