As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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