Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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