On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
from now on my penis is your penis
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I want to fling myself into the sun
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
