Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
