Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
