Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
