look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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