I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
