My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
