did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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