I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
