I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
