Your dad touched me again.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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