I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
