I'm lost and stupid without you.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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