i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
