I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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