Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
