what day is it and did you see me today?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
