Nicole vs. Life
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
