The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
