I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
