She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize