i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You need a sexual gate keeper
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
