No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
they need to just BURY HIM!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
