New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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